As a Business and Success coach, I answer questions about business and your own personal path to success. Send your questions in to risha@yorkemotivational.com.
I make no time for myself. I am not a priority, and my needs keep getting shoved to the bottom of the list. I can’t see my way out of it. —KT
I am not trying to be cliché here, but you are not alone. So many people, women especially, focus all their attention on work, family, children, day to day operations and don’t check in with themselves, what they need. As a result, they are left feeling exhausted, taken for granted, burned out or worse, depressed, anxious, physically or mentally unwell.
The pandemic just amplified this as we took on all these responsibilities without our village of support. We have been running on adrenaline and homemade sourdough bread.
Also, not everyone knows what it is that they need. When you stop and look around, are you happy and grateful with what you see? Or are you feeling like an actor or imposter in your own life? When is the last time you thought about what would make you happy? When is the last time you thought about what would bring you peace? Do you have goals? Dreams?
Sometimes, looking inward and defining our needs can be scary and stressful. If we’re hiding our emotions, or dealing with heavy life transitions, it’s easier to avoid being alone with ourselves so we can keep up appearances. There is work in caring for ourselves. There is heavy lifting.
I lost my mum this year, and she was a wise woman. She was also amazing at making me feel cared for, loved and supported. Without her around, there is definitely a void and it’s no one’s responsibility to fill it but my own. I deserve to feel cared for and my needs are important. You can’t drink from an empty well.
She once told me, when faced with difficult decisions, or times that required real reflection, that you should take yourself out to lunch. Sit there, alone and do the hard work. Ask the hard questions. I love this advice. I’ve done it many times over the years and every time it pays off. Why? Firstly, you have given yourself space, time and fuel to think through your challenges without distraction. Secondly, you deserve that time and by giving it to yourself you are honoring you. Lastly, you have to make these choices and decisions on your own so you can hear yourself, not other people’s thoughts or opinions.
It’s time to bump yourself to the top of that list. Book a weekend getaway, just you. Take a sick day and spend the day away from your house, somewhere that makes you feel at peace. Gift yourself time and space. Then map out how you will continue to gift yourself time and space. What fuels you? What excites you? What will make you feel like a brand-new human? Make a list. Make it long. Do the things. Plan the trips. Buy the dress. Eat the food. See the people. Hug. Laugh. Love. Be yourself.
You can tell me it’s not that simple, but I’m here to tell you that it is. You are in charge of your own destiny. You write your own story. You are the main character. As Lizzo would say, “Boss up and change your life!” Start small, but make big plans. Take yourself out to lunch.