Hi there, it’s me again, Vicious Anxiety! Last time I promised that I will come back, think and share with you some ideas of how I can support Me while keep protecting them.

Having anxious feelings is uncomfortable and it is very common to avoid a situation that makes Me anxious. Although, Me knows that the situation is safe and there are no real threats or dangers to them, they can feel it as a perceived threat. In very anxious situations this can result in Me going into a survival mode. For example, running away or yelling at their parents or doing nothing and feeling numb. When any of this happens, Vicious Anxiety is also further activated by bringing up negative thoughts about the outcome of the situation, about Me, about the dangers involved etc.

So, the first step would be to acknowledge that Me has anxious feelings or worries about something and normalize their experience. It is very common for these feelings to come up as body sensations before becoming cognitively aware of them. The younger they are, the more common it is to feel the emotion before naming them. This can look like having butterflies in their stomach or a rock on their chest or a cloud in their head. The emotions that challenge Me the most are the ones that have no names and no room for expression. What helps Me find a way through is to become conscious of what stirs them up. By accepting and naming them Me can get their hands on the steering wheel and form intentions about what to do with the feelings.

Vicious Anxiety loves to know things and what to expect in different situations. If only they could know everything and be able to predict the future – that would be the best gift for them! It is very uncomfortable for Vicious Anxiety to sit with the ‘unknown’, especially when things are out of their control. There are always daily life situations Me cannot predict. There is a space between what Me knows and what they do not know. Now, imagine this space, between knowing and not knowing, being full of frustration while trying to accomplish a task or trying something for the first time or going to a new place. The more unknown the situation, the more frustration there is. And the frustration can activate anxious feelings. Sitting with the discomfort, the unknown and the frustration, although difficult, helps Me’s brain to grow and learn. The more we tolerate the discomfort—being comfortable with feeling uncomfortable—the more space Me can create to manage the uncomfortable feelings.

Having a plan and structure helps Me to reduce the discomfort of not knowing. It is useful to have a clear idea of expectations in different situations and breaking them down in small, achievable tasks, if possible, rather than thinking of the whole situation at once. Imagine Me wants to climb a mountain, and they never hiked before. Would they rather practice before they start the endeavour or jump into it straight away? Both options are possible, however Me, knowing themselves, would probably choose the first option. But everyone is unique, so it is important for Me to always listen to themselves and what feels right to us!

Talking about being prepared, Me has also built, metaphorically and literally, their own toolbox of tools to manage anxious thoughts. Among other things, the toolbox includes

• Two notes to remind themselves ‘I can do this, even if it’s hard!’ and ‘I am learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable!’
• A mantra to remind themselves that feelings fade ‘Anxiety is like a wave, it comes and goes, and I am the surfer!’
• Three pictures of them to remind them of their strengths: perseverance, creativity and asking for help
• Reframing their thoughts and refocusing on what a positive outcome might be in a given situation
• A meditation app on their phone for deep breathing, emotional check-ins and mediation