Lessons from a Pen Pal:
Looking for Blessings in Disguise
— by Beth Kudar
How a 95-year-old pen pal helped a local teenager navigate the COVID-19 pandemic
This month, I was surprised to hear on the radio that it has been five years since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. Time is strange; the past five years seem to have both flown by and dragged on. And now, as Canadians in the midst of a trade war with our neighbours to the south, we find ourselves in another period of uncertainty, where the word “unprecedented” is being used once more. Looking back on the start of the pandemic, I’m beginning to realize that, despite the fear and uncertainty, there were moments of light from which we can draw strength to help us navigate this new time of uncertainty.
For our family, one of the silver linings of the pandemic was our teenage daughter’s pen-pal friendship with a local senior. My daughter was initially connected with her pen pal, Norma, as part of an initiative to offer support to seniors’ homes, who were especially vulnerable to isolation and illness during the lockdown. As is often the case, it turned out that our daughter, and our whole family, benefited just as much from this connection as Norma, her 95-year-old pen pal.
Recently, I re-read some of the letters from Norma. As soon as my daughter started sharing the content of her letters, we realized that Norma had led a quiet but remarkable life. She was not only a proud mother, grandmother and great-grandmother, but also a trail-blazing Occupational Therapist (who helped to open the Occupational Therapy department at Orillia’s Soldiers Memorial Hospital), an accomplished artist and we soon realized, an amateur philosopher.
We were captivated by her wisdom, knowledge, and skills, and appreciated her perspective on the pandemic, shaped by over 90 years of life experience. Early on, our daughter sent Norma a bracelet she had created through hand-weaving and Norma greatly appreciated this gift. In her next letter she wrote to Claire that “This is the age of instant gratification” and that it was worthwhile to spend time developing skills, such as weaving.
This was when we learned that Norma herself was an accomplished artist in many mediums: she was a painter, sculpture, and textile artist. She shared photos of some of her creations with us. Norma’s gifts to my daughter (delivered by Norma’s daughter to our door) included an origami kit, as well as two beautiful plants; gifts that promoted using your hands, being creative, and helped to pass the time during the lockdowns.
Backward writing letter…
The gifts were a helpful reminder that in this age of technology, creating things with our hands or minds can contribute to a sense of well-being. Norma was an example of a lifelong learner, and did use technology to email as her handwriting failed her, and yet she helped to remind us that being creative can be a balm to anxiety.
In an early letter, Norma also wrote a paragraph using backwards writing. At first, our daughter was baffled, until she read the explanation of this unusual looking paragraph. You needed to hold the letter up to a mirror to read it. Norma had learned this skill as a teenager and thought it was a “good mental exercise”. Amazingly, she had kept up this skill and her letters often had a line or two written backwards. Another example of the creativity that was a thread woven throughout her life!
Norma’s ability to put the pandemic in perspective also helped our family. She had lived through a polio outbreak in Toronto in 1930-31 and still remembered her father sending her and her mother to Watertown in New York State, to avoid this illness. They returned three weeks later to find three victims of polio on their street. One of the young victims was Norma’s best friend, who lived the rest of her life as a paraplegic; another was a boy two years younger who lost the use of an arm. Norma wrote that this experience taught her the “true value of people”. Norma recollected that the neighbourhood kids all rallied behind these two children and “they were the centre of our activities”. Her best friend lived until the age of 96, and led a full, successful life.
Norma’s letters, and her friendship with our daughter, reminded us of the value of creativity, connections, and community. She reminded us that the challenges of a difficult time can lead to new ways to be creative and make meaningful connections, and to always look for the blessings in disguise.
Norma passed away in the fall of 2023 at the age of 99. At her Celebration of Life, we were touched that a picture of our daughter in her hockey uniform that she had included in one of her letters was displayed, along with Norma’s art (painting, textile art, and sculpture) and family pictures of her rich and creative life.
We feel so lucky that our daughter was connected to Norma, especially at a time when connection was needed. She reminded us that the challenges of difficult times can lead to new ways to be creative, make meaningful connections, and navigate uncertain times; lessons that five years later, are proving valuable once again.