Mental Health Journeying

—by Zoe Fysikoudi

Cultivating a grateful, compassionate and mindful approach in our busy lives
As we are going through the Thanksgiving season, I’ve been reflecting on the meaning of gratitude and its impact on well-being. What happens when we embrace an open, curious, compassionate, and grateful approach—not just towards others, but also towards ourselves? If you’re like me, struggling at times to quiet your inner critic, this new way of being may feel awkward or even uncomfortable. It’s normal to feel this way. Adopting a new mindset can be challenging, and change takes time. However, by trusting the process and focusing on the journey rather than the outcome, we may experience unexpected positive results.

Gratitude and Trust in Ourselves
Gratitude helps us view situations more positively, but it’s also crucial to extend that gratitude to ourselves. Acknowledging our efforts, progress, or even just making it through a tough day is an important step toward recognizing our worth. For years, I grappled with anxiety and worry, which served me until it didn’t. It became overwhelming. Through much personal work and many setbacks, I realized there’s another way to live. When I trust myself and stay authentic to myself and my personal values, I feel more confident in my choices. It just feels right.

Gratitude toward oneself helps build or rebuild inner trust. The paradoxical theory of change suggests that real transformation occurs when we fully accept who we are in the present moment, rather than striving to become something we’re not. It’s a fascinating concept that emphasizes self-acceptance as the key to growth.

Cultivating Self-Compassion
Another way to practice gratitude toward ourselves is by cultivating self-compassion. I vividly remember the first time someone asked me, “How would you respond if you were talking to your best friend?” At that moment, I realized I was far kinder and more understanding towards others than I was toward myself. I was withholding qualities like compassion, curiosity, and patience from myself—qualities I desperately needed.

This simple question changed my perspective. While I still dislike making mistakes, my response to them has shifted. I often catch myself using self-compassionate statements like, “I’m doing the best I can with what I have right now,” or “It’s okay to be upset because I made a mistake; I can learn and grow from it.” Or “’It feels hard, because it is hard.’”. These affirmations don’t change the outcome of a struggle, but they help me feel calmer and more grounded.

Embracing Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the here and now. There are many ways to practice mindfulness, and it’s essential to find what works for you. I struggled with traditional meditation—sitting still in silence only made me more agitated. I discovered that guided meditation, with a soothing voice leading the way, works best for me.

Beyond meditation, mindfulness can be practiced by paying attention to our actions in the present moment. This might involve noticing the sounds around us, savouring the taste of our food, or observing our surroundings during a walk as if seeing them for the first time. For some, mindfulness means focusing on the internal environment—paying attention to the breath, doing a body scan, or reflecting on a happy memory.

Cultivating a more grateful and compassionate approach means embracing a non-judgmental and curious attitude toward ourselves. It’s about experimenting with different practices and finding what resonates, without the pressure of getting it “right.”

Final Thoughts
Sometimes I wonder how my life might have been different if I’d been asked that pivotal question— “How would you respond if you were talking to your best friend?”—as a child. But, coming from a place of acceptance and gratitude, I’m thankful for who I am and where I am now. Life presents countless options and possibilities, and each path is unique. I didn’t hear that question early on, but now I ask it to the children and grown ups around me (including myself) when they are upset or critical of themselves. It’s a powerful reminder that words of gratitude, kindness, and compassion should be shared generously.

As adults, we model behaviour and approaches to life for our children. Modelling is one of the most effective ways for kids to learn and develop new skills. Let’s continue to cultivate and spread gratitude, kindness, and compassion in our daily lives, knowing that our actions and attitudes have a lasting impact on the next generation. 

Zoe Fysikoudi is a Registered Psychotherapist and owner of Expressive Minds Therapy. Zoe works therapeutically with children, youth and their families and meets them at Cocoon Orillia in Orillia and Rooted in Counselling in Bracebridge. 

For more information, you can also visit her site at www.expressive-minds.com