Mental Health Journeying
by Zoe Fysikoudi

Overwhelm and the newborn:
creating space for the caregiver’s experience

As a child therapist, I am deeply interested in understanding child development from the very beginning of life. In this upcoming series of articles, I will explore the importance of early childhood experiences and how they inform emotional, social, cognitive, and physical development, with a specific focus on attachment theory.

In today’s article, I want to address the normal feeling of overwhelm that caregivers often experience with a newborn. My intention is to create space for this overwhelm to be seen and understood, bringing awareness to the complex dynamics between a baby and their caregiver. It goes without saying that parenting is one of life’s greatest challenges and a significant opportunity for personal growth.

In her book, Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown defines overwhelm as an extreme level of stress or intensity to the point of feeling unable to function. Similarly, Jon Kabat-Zinn describes it as the feeling that life is unfolding faster than the human nervous system can manage.

Overwhelm is a universal experience that we have all encountered, beginning in infancy. Research shows that while babies are born with the capacity to express emotions, their nervous systems are too underdeveloped to cope with them. Now imagine entering a space filled with intense external stimuli and various internal signals. It would be very common to feel a sense of overwhelm. If your experience is anything like mine, managing these competing sensations can be quite challenging. This represents the baby’s experience in the first few days or weeks of their lives.

Given these definitions, it is clear that overwhelm is a common experience for infants. They are constantly met with new stimuli and bodily sensations they cannot yet process. How a caregiver responds to this distress shapes the baby’s implicit memories. When a caregiver offers a soothing voice, the baby learns that their overwhelm is manageable and safe. Consistency and predictability in these responses are what build a sense of security.

Instead of explicit memories, babies create implicit memories—a “felt sense” of an experience. For example, when a caregiver feeds a hungry baby, the baby develops an implicit memory that their physical sensations will be addressed and comforted.

Caring for a baby can also activate our own implicit memories of how our distress was met during our own childhood—whether we were soothed with love or met with unpredictability and neglect. Furthermore, because babies are entirely dependent on caregivers for survival, their constant needs can easily tax a parent’s nervous system as they juggle their own needs and external responsibilities.

Lastly, every baby brings their own unique personality and vulnerabilities to this journey, and they communicate their emotions on a subconscious level. Therefore, they project the difficult, unprocessed feelings to their caregivers where the caregiver can process them and help them make sense of them. Therefore, the caregivers also hold the baby’s unconscious projections of overwhelm towards them. Our nervous system is synchronised with the nervous system of the baby, and this is why co-regulation supports the baby’s regulation. A regulated nervous system helps to steady one that is in distress.

Final Thought
The intention is not to eliminate overwhelm or add another task to a caregiver’s long list. On the contrary, Jon Kabat-Zinn suggests that the “cure” for overwhelm is mindful play or “non-doing” time. This can look like setting aside time to intentionally disengage from tasks or the never-ending-to-do-list for a as little as five minutes. You can choose how to use this time to create the space you need, literally (external space) and/or metaphorically (internal space), whether through a non-goal-oriented or playful activity, paying attention to your breathing, resting etc.

It is essential for caregivers to prioritize their own well-being to effectively care for others. Incorporating a check-in on our own nervous system can become part of a daily emotional routine. This self-awareness helps a caregiver recognize signs of stress—such as an increased heart rate, shallow breathing, or irritability—before they become debilitating, allowing for timely self-regulation.

Zoe Fysikoudi is a Registered Psychotherapist and owner of Expressive Minds Therapy. Zoe works therapeutically with children, youth and their families and meets them at Cocoon Orillia in Orillia and Rooted in Counselling in Bracebridge. For more information, you can also visit her site at www.expressive-minds.com.