Welcome to the twentieth column describing the residents of Speaking of Wildlife: Ontario animals that can’t be released back into the wilderness due to permanent injuries or over-habituation to humans. Today for this exceptionally foolish April holiday we’ll be looking at one of the few centre residents who isn’t even from this CONTINENT, let alone this province: Scooby the Goffin’s cockatoo, aka Scooby the Tanimbar cockatoo, aka Scooby the Tanimbar corella, aka Scooby Please Be Quiet aka That Screaming Terror. She’s somewhere in the top three most intelligent inhabitants of the centre, depending on how alert the ravens are feeling and how much caffeine the humans have ingested.

Goffin’s cockatoos are very nearly as physically far away from being native Ontario wildlife as you can get: they’re from the Tanimbar Islands in eastern Indonesia. At least, they originally were. Nowadays, they’re thin on the ground in their homeland compared to populations in captivity and introduced in ‘pockets’ across the world, for strongly correlated reasons.

They’re a bit on the smaller side for cockatoos (a mere ~30 cm tall, a featherweight 250-300g – the smallest of the ‘white cockatoos’ of the genus Cacatua), and supposedly quieter than average too, although that’s (a) relative and (b) not saying much at all. They’re also quite fiendishly clever even by parrot standards; not with words (they’re more shriekers than speakers, even when hand-raised in captivity), but with their beak and feet and whatever pieces of inanimate material they can wrangle into them.

Wild Goffin’s have been found using multiple types of wooden tools to get the most out of fruit; laboratory study has seen them open elaborate five-part locks to get snacks and learn how to play a sort of micro-analogy of golf (one study participant also independently discovered how to cheat at golf, a true sign of an advanced intelligence). And, in the household you can bet that if a Goffin’s sees you work the latch to its enclosure it’ll open it itself if that’s physically possible. 

Finally, as of February 2025 it’s possible that they’re on the relatively short list of species that likes to dunk food in food for flavouring purposes: specifically, Goffin’s under close experimental study showed a strong preference for using blueberry yoghurt as a dip.  

Scooby came to SOW somewhat circuitously: after losing her initial residence, she was adopted and rehomed to my boss’s house. Unfortunately, Scooby passionately adores humans – especially men – and expresses her love through her beak, which is designed to crack open hard-shelled nuts and slice through tough-skinned fruit; and her voice. To spare my boss’  husband’s fingers and/or ears , Scooby was relocated to our workplace, where she spends her time jamming to tunes on her tablet, dangling upside down, tearing up toys, plucking her feathers, and screaming enthusiastically at her coworkers.  

Scooby is one of the few residents of Speaking of Wildlife that is risky for me to feed, as I fall within the fifty percent of the human population that she adores a little too aggressively.  Nowadays I can get around this by trying to distract her at one end of her enclosure while I sneak the dish in with a free hand. Previously it was hazardous for me to even attempt to feed her at all. 

For a time, I sought to habituate her to my presence as being a thing she didn’t have to bite, letting her hold my finger through her fence and shaking her hand. This worked great until it turned out she was habituating me to HER presence and was a lot better at it than I was. Whereupon she sucker-chomped me, grazing me with a loving but extreme papercut.  

We’re still buddies, albeit from a safe distance. She appreciates it when you sing, head-bop, and sway along with her, even if you’re much worse at it than she is. She knows we can’t help it; after all, we’re only mammals. 

Speaking of Wildlife is a non-profit located in Severn, and home to almost 50 native Ontario animals who can’t live in nature. They are in desperate need of a new van, to transport animals to the vet, to rescue animals, and to transport animals to shows where they can teach humans about their kind. To help with this project, please contact Krystal at info@speakingofwildlife.ca.