Anxiety is a natural response that everyone experiences when feeling stressed, worried or concerned about certain things. Anxiety can be helpful and act as a motivator, keeping us alert and prompting us to act when facing challenges or deadlines. Anxiety can also encourage preparedness, making us aware, cautious and alert of potential risks or dangers. Anxiety can even sharpen our focus, improve our problem-solving skills, and even boost empathy and understanding of others.

However, anxiety can shift from being a helpful feeling to becoming a challenging and overwhelming one. When anxiety is excessive or unmanaged, it can become debilitating and affect our well-being and daily lives. Sometimes we may know what is worrying us and other times the cause can be unclear. It is important to understand and explore these underlying causes so that we gain insight of the deeper issues we are facing.

Some of us may share a similar experience of dealing with anxiety provoking situations, for example public speaking, however we may wonder about the real source of this anxiety and why it keeps coming back. What is it that anxiety is so afraid of, that it tries so hard to keep us safe and protect us so strongly?

In this article, I will be using the metaphor of an iceberg to differentiate between what we see on the outside and the deeper, hidden issues that can lead to overwhelming, and sometimes ongoing anxiety.

Tip of the iceberg

The visible part of the iceberg may include negative talk towards oneself, unclear thoughts and behavioural manifestations, including but not limited to shaking, avoiding situations and/ or people, hiding, shouting. Emotional manifestations can include, but are not limited to, crying, quietness, irritability, being upset or nervous, and a low mood. Changes in sleep patterns and eating habits can also be observed.

Beneath the surface

Underneath the surface, a person experiencing anxiety might feel lack of control, worry about rejection, feel unsure about themselves and/ or their abilities (which can lead to low self-worth), feel confused, afraid, embarrassed, unconfident, helpless, lost, or stuck. They may also fear things going wrong or making mistakes and be preoccupied with what others think.

At the bottom of the iceberg

The bottom of the iceberg represents deeper, sometimes unconscious fears or unresolved conflicts that are driving the anxiety. For example, considering the scenario of worrying about what others think, the underlying fear may indicate a fear of not being accepted by significant others, like family, friends, or colleagues. This fear can drive someone to put an enormous amount of pressure on themselves to do everything right and be perfect.

Internal conflicts can also contribute to anxiety. When a person is afraid to follow their genuine desires and natural drives, they may repress this energy, resulting in being manifested as anxious thoughts. Imagine a person who is artistic and loves spending time in nature, being creative and engaging in introspection. As they grow up though they receive direct and indirect messages that they should follow a more financially secure career. They may end up in a fast-paced, very social tech job, and may suppress their need for creativity. This can lead to a feeling of being disconnected from their true self.

Another fundamental fear can be the fear of being oneself, expressing one’s feelings (especially the uncomfortable ones), asserting oneself, connecting with personal values and knowing what is truly right for oneself. For instance, a person may feel stuck in a particular situation in their life, and experience anxiety as a direct result of this feeling of being trapped.

A final note

Daniel Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry, uses the phrase, ‘Name It, to Tame It’ to emphasize the importance of identifying and acknowledging emotions to regulate them. By giving our emotions a name, we can make them more manageable and reduce their intensity. One way to work with anxious feelings is to delve into the deeper emotions underneath the surface of the iceberg, welcoming them with curiosity and using them as a guide to better understand our outward behaviours and what might be truly going on for us.

Zoe Fysikoudi is a Registered Psychotherapist and owner of Expressive Minds Therapy. Zoe works therapeutically with children, youth and their families and meets them at Cocoon Orillia in Orillia and Rooted in Counselling in Bracebridge. 

For more information, you can also visit her site at www.expressive-minds.com.