Summer — June/July 2026
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Mental Health Journeying

—by Zoe Fysikoudi

​Developing robust relationships
through safe connections

Building on the previous article about the principles of attachment theory, this article explores the secure attachment cycle and introduces some play-based activities to foster trust and confidence in children. The preservation of the relationship with the other person and ourselves can ground us in times of uncertainty, not knowing, or during challenging relational situations. Going back to the connection can be a useful guide when navigating stressful situations. 

The secure attachment cycle involves four stages: a need arises, the need is expressed, the need is met, and the individual relaxes. For example, the baby feels hungry (need), the baby cries (need is expressed), the bay is fed (the need is met), the baby relaxes. Or think of a toddler trying to solve a puzzle. The toddler is struggling to figure it out, becomes distressed and asks for help, an adult steps in, soothes the toddler and maybe provides some clues or gives the child a small opportunity to feel successful, so the child will continue to engage in the challenge.

A few points to consider in supporting a child developing a secure attachment, is the timing of the adult intervention to meet the need, the adult being good enough (not perfect) at reading the child’s cues and responding to those cues, along with matching the energy of the child expressing the need and. For example, a caregiver briefly mirrors a baby’s heightened energy to prompt action (‘OH! The baby is crying!’), then regulates themselves to soothe the infant.

Attachment based games

Attachment-based games foster secure bonds through nurturing, engagement, structure, appropriate challenge, and physical touch. Effective activities include reciprocal and playful challenges, tailored to the child’s age, such as peek-a-boo for infants, cooperative, high-energy games for toddlers and children, and engaging, collaborative, or regression-based play for teenagers. A note of caution is that every game needs to be assessed around the child’s needs, strengths and personal preferences. For example, a baby sensitive to touch may find baby massage more distressing than soothing.

Attachment Games
for Infants (0–12 months)

  • Mirror Play: Make funny faces in a mirror together to encourage emotional attunement and recognition or make funny faces/ postures where the person needs to mirror the face of the other person involved.
  • Peek-a-Boo/Hide-and-Seek: Develops the sense of the other person’s permanent existence when out of sight, and the confidence on the return of the other person, supporting healthy separation and reunion.
  • Baby Massage/Song: Gentle touch with singing builds trust and soothes the nervous system.

Attachment Games
for Toddlers & Preschoolers (1–4 years)

  • Pillow Jumping Maze: Set up pillows to jump across, ending in a safe, physical landing in your arms.
  • Play Doh Squeeze or Prints: While the child is holding a piece of Play Doh, place your hand on the outside of the child’s hands and while making eye contact say ‘Squueeeeze’ and firmly press your hands. Or using Play Doh to make finger, hand and footprints.
  • Popping Bubbles: Blow bubbles and help them pop them with their hands, toes, or noses.

Attachment Games for School-Aged Children (5–12 years)

  • Red Light, Green Light: Ask your child to do something, such as run, jump, move arms. Green light means go, red light means stop.
  • Love messages: Draw words, shapes or letters on your child’s back and have them guess what you are drawing
  • Balloon Tennis: Use pillows to bat a balloon back and forth, keeping it in the air cooperatively

Attachment Games
for Teenagers (13+ years)

  • Regression/ Cooperative Play: Play games they loved as young children to address missed attachment opportunities and provide comfort, or games that require working together.
  • Doing something together: Collaborate on a simple, comforting recipe, make up a song together, play a random song together using your child’s favourite instrument, create your own board game or video game.
  • Create a special handshake: Make up a special handshake together, taking turns adding new gestures.

Final thought

We all share universal needs like feeling connected, safe, and accepted, having a sense of belonging and purpose, and finding rejuvenation through rest and play. The above games can support children and grown ups to meet these needs. The more the currency of connection between you and your child is growing in times of relaxation and joy, the stronger the connection becomes and helps to ground us when going through turbulent moments.

Zoe Fysikoudi is a Registered Psychotherapist and owner of Expressive Minds Therapy. Zoe works therapeutically with children, youth and their families and meets them at Cocoon Orillia in Orillia. For more information, you can also visit her site at www.expressive-minds.com.